This week I had a couple things happen. Terry wants me to start being a little more independent and doing things that will get me out of the house. One of the places that I am going to be using CAROLINE is at my recovery meetings. When I take trips to Ft. Stewart or up to Charlotte, I am going to start attending meetings there, and will be able to take CAROLINE with me. I use to make 7-9 meetings a week, now I am down to one due to the level of anxiety I experience while in a large group of people. The last time I went to a meeting other than the one on Sunday was at least 8 months ago. Thursday I got up and went to a meeting. I saw lots of old friends and people I haven't seen in a long time. One of my friends said that he was really interested in making a trip with me to Charlotte of to Ft. Stewart. I was able to manage my anxiety pretty well. I sat in my normal seat, in a corner and back against the wall (is there any other way?).
Friday was a first in about five years. I went to the grocery store. The last time I even got close to this store, I couldn't even handle being in the parking lot, and made my Mom take me back home. When I got into the store, I immediately felt my heart rate increase and it was like I couldn't breathe. I went as fast as I could to grab some coffee, and then got out of there. When I got back to my car I was shaking, out of breath, and really couldn't get back home fast enough.
So...I got out of my room a couple times this week. I really need to focus on the fact that I actually did it. Those are two things that I have not done in a very long time. Progress not perfection.
