Saturday, July 3, 2010

This Week,,,

This week I had a couple things happen.  Terry wants me to start being a little more independent and doing things that will get me out of the house.  One of the places that I am going to be using CAROLINE is at my recovery meetings.  When I take trips to Ft. Stewart or up to Charlotte, I am going to start attending meetings there, and will be able to take CAROLINE with me.  I use to make 7-9 meetings a week, now I am down to one due to the level of anxiety I experience while in a large group of people.  The last time I went to a meeting other than the one on Sunday was at least 8 months ago.  Thursday I got up and went to a meeting.  I saw lots of old friends and people I haven't seen in a long time.  One of my friends said that he was really interested in making a trip with me to Charlotte of to Ft. Stewart.  I was able to manage my anxiety pretty well.  I sat in my normal seat, in a corner and back against the wall (is there any other way?).

Friday was a first in about five years.  I went to the grocery store.  The last time I even got close to this store, I couldn't even handle being in the parking lot, and made my Mom take me back home.  When I got into the store, I immediately felt my heart rate increase and it was like I couldn't breathe.  I went as fast as I could to grab some coffee, and then got out of there.  When I got back to my car I was shaking, out of breath, and really couldn't get back home fast enough. 

So...I got out of my room a couple times this week.  I really need to focus on the fact that I actually did it.  Those are two things that I have not done in a very long time.  Progress not perfection.