After I got the email from Terry a little while back, I have tried to make an effort to get out more, do things for others, and just get out of my room. I do not remember what days I did what, but pretty much everyday last week I did something, which is a huge step for me.
I have started going to more meetings, I think I went to 3-4 last week. I struggle a little while I am there because they are usually pretty crowded, and there are always unfamiliar faces. There are, however, enough people that I do know that I can talk to and socialize with. I have a designated spot that I sit in, it's a couch that is backed in a corner, and I can pretty much see the entire room from that spot. There are a couple other people that sit in the same area, some are Korean/Vietnam era vets that I can talk with also.
I went to my usual group at the Vet Center on Tuesday. Wednesday I took my parents out to dinner, and even got out and cut the grass. The last time I did any type of yard work, I had an anxiety attack, and haven't done anything outside for any extended period of time since. It wasn't nearly as stressful as I was expecting. I did get pretty frustrated, I just didn't think that I did a very good job. I think that is just my tendency to try and control the situation, and will have to work on letting that go.
I made a couple trips to the grocery store, just to pick up some little things like coffee and milk. I can't really say that it is any easier getting out, but that will come with time. It is certainly easier than the Commissary at Ft. Stewart a few weeks back. Sunday I struggled a little. The meeting I went too was crowded, there were several new people, and I had that feeling that something was going to happen. So, instead of doing some of the things that I have worked on with Kevin, I let my mind go. That is usually pretty dangerous for me, cause once it starts if I do not do something to take care of the stress and anxiety, it just gets worse and worse. I was exhausted Sunday afternoon for some reason. It may have had something to do with my level of activity and stress during the week. My parents really wanted me to watch a show on National Geographic with them Sunday night, but I just would not get out of bed. I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon, and didn't wake up til early afternoon on Monday.
Monday night, after dinner, I went to the store again just to pick up some drinks. Today I am about to head out to my group. So, last week I pretty much did something every single day. I feel pretty good about it, and that is rare. I tend to have a very negative outlook on my situation, so hopefully this is the beginning of a new way of thinking. I have already scheduled a night that I am going to take my parents to dinner, and I will get out and do some more yard work this week.
